


Metamorphosis

by BDEblueyes



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, Trans Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:36:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 12,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28309122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BDEblueyes/pseuds/BDEblueyes
Summary: Jou reflects on his life.
Relationships: Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler/Kaiba Seto
Comments: 105
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

If anyone had tried to tell me when we first met that Kaiba Seto would be my greatest ally, that he would become my best friend, my lover, my everything… well, I would probably have beaten them to a pulp and thrown them in the river. I  _ hated  _ him.

Well, I  _ thought _ I hated him. 

I’ve been in therapy for a while now. We both have. For our PTSD. And for… well. 

The therapist helped me see that I never really hated him. I was jealous.

I thought he had everything. 

He wasn’t killing himself every day, just trying to scrape a passing grade. He wasn’t failing to live up to his own expectations out of sheer exhaustion. He wasn’t yelled at for missing school or falling asleep in class.

He wasn’t working three jobs to keep a roof over his head while a deadbeat father gambled and drank away every spare cent. He wasn’t beaten every night when, incredibly, there wasn’t  _ even more _ money for the gambling and the drinking. He didn’t have to ward off debt collectors and gangs and… 

He could snap his fingers, and the world would be his. And that killed me when I couldn’t even afford fillings in my onigiri.

And it wasn’t just that he had everything I wanted, either. He  _ was  _ everything. Devilishly handsome. So cool you could burn yourself just looking at him. The sharpest wit, the most blinding intelligence.

And a boy.

I wanted. All my life was wanting. I wanted stability. I wanted freedom. I wanted him, more than a little. And more than anything, I wanted to be like him.


	2. Chapter 2

It started with a parcel in my locker. Discreetly wrapped in brown paper, with a little card taped to the top of it.

_ I thought you might need this. _ _   
_ _ Open it in private. _ _   
_ __ \- KS

I’m going to blame the fact that I was getting maybe 2 hours of sleep a night at the time for the fact that I just assumed KS was Kawai Shizuka. I mean going to school full time, running track, and working at the konbini, the service station, and for the cleaning service... It seemed obvious to me. Who else would be sending me things but my own dear sister?

So I buried the parcel deep in the recesses of my schoolbag and ran home as fast as I could. After making sure that I was home alone, I locked myself in my room and ripped the brown paper open. 

My jaw dropped.

My mind raced. I wasn’t out. Not even to Honda. So why would she send me a binder? 

Not that I wasn’t grateful. I had wanted one for a long time. Sports bras and tape could only do so much for so long. But I was scared that  _ he  _ might find it and figure out what it was in one of his rare moments of lucidity. And that wasn’t something I wanted to deal with.

I was always athletic. Rough-and-tumble. Never the demure, delicate doll that mom had wanted, and that she got in Shizuka.

Even before the divorce, I’d kept my hair on the shorter side, refused to wear a skirt or dress, played soccer and fought in the streets with the other boys... 

And I don’t think  _ he _ minded that I was a ‘tomboy’. But he had some very definite opinions about “the gays”. Freaks of nature, he called them. Abominations. I couldn’t imagine that he’d be more accepting of trans people. That wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.

I checked the clock and picked up my phone. 

“Hey, Zuka. I know you’ve got class in a sec so I won’t keep you long. Did you send me something to the school?”

“No,” she said. “Should I have? It’s not your birthday, right? Did I miss your birthday?”

I laughed. “No, sis, it’s not my birthday. Don’t worry about it. Love you.”

“Love you too, Kat.”

Honestly, the fact that the note was signed ‘KS’ instead of ‘Zuka’ should have told me it wasn’t her. But then, if it wasn’t her… 

I didn’t have time to think about it then. I had a shift coming up, and I was going to be late if I didn’t get a hustle on. It didn’t hit me until I opened the closet to get my work vest out and I saw my second-hand duel disk with its KC branding.

KS.

Kaiba Seto.


	3. Chapter 3

To call Kaiba Seto my sworn rival was a bit steep, but still, everyone knew there was no love lost between us. And now I knew that he knew my deepest shame, and it burned in the depths of my belly. 

I had worked hard to make sure that no one could even suspect that I was anything less than 100% pure-bred genetic male, and so far no one had. Not Yugi or any of our friends. Not Honda who knew me from before. Not even Hirutani and his gang. 

And now Kaiba fucking Seto knew. How?

I stacked the fridge with onigiri, sushi, and bento. 

I thought of his tall, surprisingly muscular, unnecessarily attractive frame.

My gut roiled.

I swept the floor and wiped down the shelves and counters. 

I thought of the condescending smirk that so often lingered on his smug face.

My blood boiled.

I pointed a little old lady to the particular brand of senbei her grandson preferred. 

I thought of his money, his power, his privilege.

My face twisted into a scowl.

The fuck did he have to pick on me for.

“Jounouchi,” the manager called to me after that encounter.

“Yes, Haku-san?” It was difficult, but I thought I had managed to keep my unpleasant emotions out of my reply.

The older man sighed. “I don’t know what’s going on with you today, but I think it’s best you leave for the day.”

“But my shift doesn't end for another 3 hours, Haku-san,” I said. I left the implication - that I couldn’t afford to lose even 3 hours' worth of pay - to hang unsaid in the air between us.

“You’re a good worker, Jou. You’re a hard worker. But you’re scaring the customers with that face of yours.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I’ll cover the rest of your shift myself, and I won’t record that you’ve left early.”

“Please,” I said. I didn’t want or need his charity.

He fixed me with dark grey eyes. “Go, take a break. Fifteen minutes. Smoke or run around or whatever it is you need to do to get this off your chest. Then, if your mood is improved, you can finish out your shift.” If he noticed me wince at the use of the phrase ‘get this off your chest’, he didn’t show it. 

“Thank you, Haku-san,” I said. I stepped out into the back alley behind the konbini and pulled a cigarette from my pocket. 

I knew smoking was bad for me. That it weakened my performance on the track. That it would shorten my lifespan. 

But it calmed my nerves. Gave me something to do with my hands so I wouldn’t fidget. Gave me something to do with my mouth so I wouldn’t run it. 

And it gave me the illusion of a deeper voice than I had naturally. It helped me to pass.

As much as I hated Kaiba, he wasn’t worth losing my job over.

As much as I hated Kaiba, he had chosen to help me, in his own misguided way, rather than just out me as he could have done.

And as much as I hated Kaiba, I was going to have to talk to him about all this.

Tomorrow, I would talk to him. Tomorrow, I would find out how he knew what he knew. Tomorrow, I would ask what I had to do for him to keep my secret.


	4. Chapter 4

I hadn’t been able to sleep, despite the fatigue that wracked my body. My mind was too full of what-ifs. By the time I got to the service station for work, I was as good as dead on my feet. At least it was a quiet morning, and Kana-chan allowed me to doze fitfully through most of my shift. She woke me just in time to clock out and run to school.

I stopped by Kaiba’s locker on my way to class, slipping the note in when I was sure no one was looking.

_ We need to talk. Let me know when and where. _ _   
_ _ \- JK _

It wasn’t an elegant note, but I hoped it would do the trick.

And it did. In English Literature class, he walked past me on his way to take his seat, and surreptitiously dropped a note on my desk.

_ Lunchtime. Behind the gym. _ _   
_ _ \- KS _

My stomach jumped and, strangely, my heart fluttered. If I had been nervous before, it was nothing to the live-wire feeling that ran through me now. This -  _ whatever it was _ \- was happening. I swept the note into my pocket before anyone could see it.

At least this was the last class before lunch. This would all be over soon.

I opened up  _ To Kill a Mockingbird _ , letting my eyes wander over the pages, glad of the fact that I’d already read it. If I hadn’t, there was no way I’d have been able to answer the teacher’s questions, because I was definitely  _ not _ taking anything in.

\---

He was already waiting for me by the time I got there, and I fully expected him to lay into me for wasting his precious time. I waited for the ‘dog’ comments. 

They didn’t come. 

Instead, he merely fixed me with eyes like cobalt, and asked, “What did you want to talk about?”

“I just want to know how.” My mouth was dry, my throat ached like I’d swallowed a handful of gravel.

“How…?” He kept his tone even, but it wasn’t disdainful or disinterested. Not what I was used to hearing from him. It was almost gentle.

“Please, Kaiba, don’t play dumb,” I said, feeling desperate tears building up behind my eyes. “You know what I am, and I need to know how. I need to know what gave me away.”

“Nothing that anyone else would notice,” he said. “They’re not as observant or as intelligent as I am. You’re passing just fine, Jounouchi.”

I screwed my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry in frustration. “Then  _ how _ ?”

“You never shower with us after track or PE, you always change in a stall… and you have an inordinate amount of bandages in your kit bag.”

I could talk away the thing about the showers and the stall. I  _ had _ already talked it away, telling the guys I was body-shy. They hadn’t really believed it, but they had accepted it to some extent. They ribbed me about it, but not in a mean way. “When did you see inside my kit bag?”

“Last week, after track practice,” he said, his eyes never leaving mine. “You were in a hurry and didn’t zip the side pocket all the way up.”

“The bandages don’t mean anything…” I whispered.

“To anyone else? No, they don’t. But I’ve done a lot of reading on the subject.”

I felt my brows furrow. Why would he be reading about that? 

Unless-

“You…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get used to this upload schedule. I'm only on holiday for one more day...


	5. Chapter 5

“You…?”

“No.” He shook his head. “No, not me.”

I opened my mouth, but he cut me off with a raised finger.

“And before you ask, no, I’m not going to out  _ anyone _ ,” he said, his voice firm but kind. “Including you.”

That did it. All the tension, the anxiety, the fear that I had been holding in burst like a balloon in my chest and I sobbed. I leaned against the wall for support, tears flowing, leaving dark marks on the concrete walkway.

“Oh hey, don’t do that...” Kaiba said.

That only made me sob harder. Did he even understand how scared I had been? 

He closed the distance between us, putting one arm around my shaking shoulders, pulling me to lean on him. The gentleness of the gesture shocked me enough that I stopped crying so violently. That and the fact that, up close, he smelled like the ocean, and coffee, and just a little bit of smoke.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “You’re a good man, Jounouchi.”

I sniffled, wiping my face with a sleeve despite the fact that silent tears were still leaking from my eyes. “Why are you doing this?”

“Everyone should have the opportunity to be themselves.”

I found my mouth falling open and I closed it quickly. “That’s a surprisingly empathetic statement coming from you.”

He laughed, a low rumble. It reverberated in my chest in a way that I tried not to think about. “My experience may not be exactly the same as yours, but I am actually human, too. I understand the pain of looking in the mirror and seeing someone else there. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Not even you.”

I felt the corner of my mouth lift, just a little. A half-smile. I still didn’t understand why this was happening. But this tender side of Kaiba was intriguing and I found myself hoping that I would get to see more of it and less of the icy egomaniac he usually was.

“I’ll pay you back for it, Kaiba, I swear. I’ll do anything. Just name it.” I said.

He turned his head a little, facing towards me to catch my eyes with his. “No. I don’t want anything from you. Just… be safe, okay? No more bandages. Promise?”

I nodded. “Promise.”

“Good,” he said, pulling away from me and turning to leave. 

“Thank you, Kaiba,” I said, my voice just barely above a whisper.

He didn’t turn around, but he did stop. “Don’t mention it. Oh, and Jounouchi?”

“Yes?” The word caught in my throat, wavering on the air between us.

“This doesn't change anything between us,” he said.

And then he was gone, and I was left alone and more confused than before we’d spoken. Why was he always such an ass when he was clearly capable of such compassion? And how was I supposed to pretend like nothing had happened when he’d just shown more care for me than my own family ever had?


	6. Chapter 6

It turned out to be surprisingly easy to go back to how things had always been between us. The next class we had together, he called me mangy, and we fell back into the old ways. The familiar animosity, the snark, and the sass. 

And then it all went pear-shaped.

“Is it just me or is Kaiba being extra mean to you today, Jou?” Honda asked as we waited for the last class of the day to start.

I shrugged. “Eh, he’s probably just sore that I wiped the track with his ass last week.”

“A fluke, I assure you.” His deep voice rumbled through me, knocking the air out of my lungs as if he had barrelled bodily into me. 

How was he  _ always _ right behind me when I said shit like that? How did I never hear him approaching? He probably practiced ninpō, that would be just like him. My mind was flooded with the image of him in a black gi, hair mussed, face flushed, a soft sheen of sweat covering the exposed skin of his neck and jugular notch…

I pushed the thought away and turned to face him. “Oh yeah? Well, just try and keep up today, Rich Boy.”

“That a challenge, Mutt?” He stepped closer, a hard, metallic glint in his eye.

He was close enough now that I could see the crop of freckles that dusted his cheekbones. Close enough that I could, once again, smell the ocean. The coffee and smoke had disappeared. Close enough that I could feel his breath on my skin.

My eyes flicked down to take in the curve of his lips, involuntarily, at the same time as his tongue darted across them. Was he doing this on purpose? Did he know the effect this would have? Was having?

I fought to keep my knees locked, my spine straight, my voice steady. “Nah,” I said. “Challenge would mean I thought you could do it.” But I knew from the heat in my cheeks that I hadn’t kept my face from flushing.

His eyes narrowed and I wondered what his next move would be but-

“Jou, the teacher’s coming,” Honda said. The perplexed look on his face told me that he had been watching us at least close enough to know that that wasn’t one of our usual exchanges.

We scrambled for our places, and as the class started, I managed to relax just a little. Never in my life had I been more happy to see the quadratic formula.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I bumped into Kaiba on my way from the changing rooms to the track. Literally. Bounced right off him and landed my ass on the concrete. He already had ridiculously long legs, but from this angle, and in his running shorts, they looked impossible. And delicious. And un-fucking-fair.

All through class, any time I looked up I caught Honda staring at me. Then he was staring at Kaiba. And then staring at me again. I did my best to concentrate on the lesson and ignore the confused, curious, somewhat horrified gaze of my best friend.

If Kaiba noticed anything out of the ordinary, he didn’t show it. He kept his head down, cut through the work in front of him like a laser beam, and then pulled out his laptop to answer emails. In his usual ninja-like fashion, he disappeared from the classroom as soon as the bell rang.

Honda cornered me before I could get away. “What the actual fuck was that, dude?” he asked in a harsh whisper.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, shoving my books into my bag.

“I swear it looked like you and Kaiba were gonna kiss!” 

“Maybe you should see the nurse.” I held the back of my hand up to his forehead in an exaggerated gesture of checking his temperature. “But no, you don’t  _ feel _ feverish…”

“I know what I saw,” he growled.

“I don’t know what you  _ think _ you saw, man, but this is me and Kaiba you’re talking about here. Hate isn’t a strong enough word.”

His expression was suspicious but his shoulders relaxed. “I guess that’s true.”

“Course it is,” I said. “Now, if I don’t get a hustle on, Coach is going to kill me. Move your ass.”

\---

I bumped into Kaiba on my way from the changing rooms to the track. Literally. Bounced right off him and landed my ass on the concrete. He already had ridiculously long legs, but from this angle, and in his running shorts, they looked impossible. And delicious. And un-fucking-fair.

He just glared down at me as he finished his call and tucked his phone away in his special arm band.

I pushed myself up and dusted myself off, making sure the rest of the team couldn’t see or hear us. “Dude! Are you actually insane?” I hissed.

His eyes narrowed. “First off, don’t  _ ever _ call me ‘dude’. Secondly,  _ you’re _ the one who insulted my athletic prowess.”

“Only to throw Honda off! He’s right, you were exceptionally mean to me after lunch. It’s almost like you’re overcomp-” As the words left my mouth, I realised that that’s exactly what it was. He was afraid people would think he was an actual human with a real, beating heart. “Oh my god. You  _ are _ . You’re overcompensating for being nice to me.”

“Whatever, mutt. I meant it when I said the  _ gift _ changes nothing between us. Just because I don’t want you to permanently damage yourself doesn't mean we’re friends.”

“I know that, but then…” I trailed off.

“Then what?” he asked.

I mumbled, trying to tell him Honda’s theory without actually saying the words out loud.

“I’m sorry, you’re going to have to speak up,” Kaiba said, trademark smirk playing across his lips. “I don’t speak stray.”

“Grrr. Asshole,” I said with a growl. “I  _ said _ that Honda said it looked like we were about to kiss.”

“Would you like that?”

My mouth flew open. He couldn’t possibly be serious. Could he? I found myself, not for the first time, imagining what it would be like. I wondered whether his kisses would be as delicate and soft as his lips looked, or if they would be angry, fierce, and cruel like the man himself. I was pretty sure it would be the latter. He would be aggressive and greedy. I just knew it. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks at the thought.

He rolled his eyes. “As if I would  _ ever _ kiss you. Don’t mistake my kindness for interest. Besides, everyone knows Honda’s not playing with a full deck.”

“Don’t say shi-”

“Oi! Kaiba, Jounouchi,” Coach yelled behind us. “You can drink tea later. Get yourselves on the track, NOW.”

“Ready to eat my dust, mutt?” he said as he pushed past me.

“You wish, asshole.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I smirked. At least there was one thing in life that I was better at than the great Kaiba Seto. 
> 
> Part of me hoped that he would be there, waiting for me, when I got done changing. That we would continue our little dance, or game, or whatever the hell this was. 

Despite having legs that went on for weeks, Kaiba did not win. He was fit, but I was fitter. 

He had started running as a ‘two birds with one stone’ solution to the fact that a) the school required every student to take part in some form of extra-mural activity, and b) his doctors said he needed to offset the sedentary nature of his work somehow. At least, that’s what he told Coach when he signed up for the team, long after try-outs were over.

I, on the other hand, had been running all my life. 

Running with the other boys. With Hirutani and the Rintama boys. 

Running to work. To school. To work again. 

Running away from  _ him _ …

I was faster. Stronger. More experienced. I had the advantage.

So I wiped the track with him. Again.

He scowled at me as I pushed past him into a stall to get changed after practice. Not that I thought there was any real malice in it, but it was like a default for him. He had RBF before RBF was a thing.

I smirked. At least there was one thing in life that I was better at than the great Kaiba Seto. 

Part of me hoped that he would be there, waiting for me, when I got done changing. That we would continue our little dance, or game, or whatever the hell this was. 

_ Maybe he’ll lose his temper again _ , I thought as I stripped down,  _ his cheeks flushing an irate red that highlighted his freckles _ .  _ He’s awfully sexy when he’s angry _ . I felt the blood rushing to my own cheeks at that thought. 

I sprayed myself with deodorant to make it a little more bearable for people to be around me, just for the next half hour or so until I could get home and shower before work. I didn’t have a signature scent, like most people seemed to. 

Anzu always smelled like a fruity dessert, all peach and raspberry and vanilla. Yugi and Honda were both more earthy and soapy, like sandalwood or something. And Kaiba’s signature scent was the ocean, apparently. 

I just smelled like whatever was cheapest when I did the grocery shopping.

_ Maybe he’d lose it enough to pin me against the wall and… NO!  _ I berated myself. That wasn’t something I wanted. And it was definitely not something I should be thinking about. I had half an hour to get home, twenty minutes to shower and get in uniform, and ten minutes to get to the konbini and clock in. There was no time for  _ any _ of this.

I had to be losing my mind. Maybe it was the time of year, the heat addling my brain. I threw my clean(ish) clothes on.

Of course, I’d always thought he was hot. No one with working eyes in their head  _ didn’t _ . But usually those thoughts stayed safely tucked away in the recesses of my brain, until the small hours of the morning when I needed to uh… ‘ _ relax _ ’... so I could get to sleep. 

Or they cropped up in those frenzied, sticky dreams that made my body ache and left me covered in sweat. They definitely  _ did not _ invade my brain during the day, when I was at school, where they could land me in hot water.

He wasn’t there when I left the stall. Mercifully. I made it home, got cleaned up, and got to work just in time. My pay was intact.  _ Ha _ , I thought,  _ you can’t beat me, Kaiba _ . 

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same as last time? I scribbled on the note when I was sure he was looking. He nodded ever so slightly. I’d have missed it if I hadn’t been looking for it.

The talk we had before track practice settled something in him, I think. We went back to a normal (for us) level of snark and sass. A comfortable antagonism. We found a balance. He was careful to stay out of my personal bubble. I was careful to stay out of his. There were no more near misses. 

Or near kisses.

He dropped another note on my desk during English Lit, asking to talk. 

_ Same as last time? _ I scribbled on the note when I was sure he was looking. He nodded ever so slightly. I’d have missed it if I hadn’t been looking for it.

So we met again, at lunchtime, behind the gym.

“Does it fit alright?” he asked. He was back to being gentle and compassionate.

I nodded. “It’s great. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said. Then he handed over a piece of card.

I opened my mouth to ask but he cut me off.

He cleared his throat. “My personal number. I thought it might be easier if we didn’t have to make use of notes in lockers.”

“Easier for…?”

“For if you want to talk. Not that you have to. Just if you want to.”

“Thank you,” I said, running my fingers over the embossed surface of the card. It felt expensive. That one tiny piece of stationery probably cost more than I spent on groceries in a week.

“Put it away before someone sees,” he said.

I didn’t want to. The card felt good in my hand. It was a beautiful thing. It deserved better than the lint-filled recesses of my pocket. But, for once, I didn’t want to disrespect Kaiba. I did as I was told.

He looked at his watch. “I have to get to the office. Text me later, okay?”

“I will.”

He walked past me, towards the parking lot.

I stuck my hand in my pocket, to run my fingers over the card again.

“Oh, and Jounouchi?” He had stopped just behind me, close enough that I could feel his breath on the back of my neck as he spoke.

I shivered, hairs standing on end. “Yes, Kaiba?”

“If anyone should happen to get that number off of you, you’ll be dead before you can blink.”

“I know,” I said. It came out as a whisper. I don’t know if he heard it, and by the time I turned around, he was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As soon as I got home, where no one would bother me, I took the card out of my pocket and copied his number into my phone.

I skipped lunch, my stomach too jittery to risk putting anything in it. I spent the rest of the school day wondering how it was that Kaiba could be such a dick all of the time and then turn around and be so  _ nice _ . I felt like I was getting whiplash dealing with him. He had to know how confusing that was, right?

As soon as I got home, where no one would bother me, I took the card out of my pocket and copied his number into my phone. I saved it as ‘Ninja’, just in case anyone ever decided to scroll through my contacts, and sent him a text.

_ Hope your meeting went well. JK _

Then I tucked the card away safely, in a box full of memories that I kept hidden at the back of my closet. 

There wasn’t a whole lot in that box. A seashell and a little bottle of sand from the beach I used to visit with Shizuka when we were kids. Some Duel Monsters stickers Yugi had given me from a promo pack Kame Game had gotten. A pebble with a hole in it that Honda had picked up when he went hiking with his family last summer. A hair ribbon that Anzu gave me as a good luck charm when I was struggling with some tests last year... Just silly little things like that. 

And now a business card with Kaiba Seto’s personal phone number on it. 

It still didn’t feel real that he not only knew my secret but was also willing to keep it. That he, apparently, cared about my wellbeing. That he was acting like we were friends when we were alone, but still being his stuck-up self around everyone else.

It especially didn’t feel real that he’d given me his number, either. Like he actually wanted to hear from me. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around that.

I was halfway to work when my phone buzzed.

_ It did. Thank you. Have a good shift. KS _

That was a surprisingly sweet message, even if the composition was a little robotic. I found myself smiling. It was silly to have my mood improve so much just with that text message, wasn’t it? But it did. I couldn’t help it.

And I  _ did _ have a good shift.Haku-san even commented on how much happier I seemed. And when I finished work for the night, I went home and fell asleep almost immediately, resisting the urge to text him back.

The next day there was another parcel in my locker. Three more binders, in different colours, with a note reminding me not to wear them for more than 8 hours at a time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We ‘fought’ when we saw each other in the halls. Goaded each other on the track - though I’m proud to say he didn’t beat me, not even once. But I couldn’t help stealing glances at him when no one else was looking.

For weeks, months even, we kept up appearances. 

We ‘fought’ when we saw each other in the halls. Goaded each other on the track - though I’m proud to say he didn’t beat me, not even once. But I couldn’t help stealing glances at him when no one else was looking.

I learned to read him, while he was reading Nietzsche or whatever other pretentious thing. 

I learned how early in the day, he had perfect posture, facing forward, but as the day wore on he became less rigid. Not that he would ever go so far as to actually slouch, of course, but he did relax his pose a little. 

I noticed how he would start with both hands on his book, or flat on the desk, or neatly folded in his lap. But soon he would begin to fidget, twirling a pen, or tapping out complicated rhythms on the desk.

Usually by lunchtime - if he was at school long enough to see lunchtime - he’d be chewing the corner of his lip. More often than not, I found myself doing the same thing. 

Later, I realized I was mimicking him. Mirroring him.

Every now and then, he’d catch me looking and shoot me the tiniest of smiles before reforming his face into that stoic mask he always wore. It wouldn’t do for anyone to see him smiling, after all.

He must have been keeping an eye on me, too, like the sneaky ninja that he was. 

Any time I wasn’t feeling myself, I could be sure of getting a text from him. He always asked if I was okay and if there was anything he could do to help. 

A lot of the time it was just petty teenage bullshit that was bothering me. Anzu being particularly annoying. Honda being a perv about my sister. Yugi being a perv about… literally anyone else. Seriously, the phrase ‘horny on main’ was practically invented for that boy.

But then, sometimes, it wasn’t. Sometimes I was overwhelmed by the feeling that I wasn’t me. That I wasn’t whole. And sometimes it was even worse than that. Not just that I wasn’t whole, but that I was entirely wrong and that wrongness pervaded every area of my life.

I tried to explain it to him once, but I couldn’t find the right words. It all got tangled up in my brain and I ended up more confused than I started. But he got it. He taught me the word for it. Dysphoria. I didn’t ask how he knew the word, when he wasn’t like me. If he wanted me to know, he would tell me. And he was so damn smart, anyway…

Every day as I was getting ready for work, he texted me to check that I’d taken my binder off and wasn’t hurting myself. And every night when I got home from my shift, I texted him to make sure he’d eaten and wasn’t hurting himself. 

Even when he disappeared for a month to deal with some business or other in New York, he didn’t miss a single message. It wasn’t until much later, well after he was back in Domino, that I realized that time zones were a thing. I mean, I  _ knew _ they were a thing, but I hadn’t factored them in. That meant that he was up at 3am just to message me. 

It also meant that when I was messaging him, asking if he’d had dinner, it was 10am for him. He must have thought I was an even bigger idiot than before. But he never pointed it out, and that was kinda sweet of him, wasn’t it?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I fought the rising blush I felt. “I-I was?” I hadn’t meant to stammer, but… what kind of a thing is that to say to someone you’re supposed to hate? Although, I guess we were well past the hate stage, then, weren’t we?

When Kaiba got back from New York, he asked if we could talk face-to-face, somewhere that wasn’t on campus. So that was how I found myself in his limo at quarter past ten on a Thursday night.

He picked me up after my shift at the konbini.

“Give the address to the driver,” he said. “We’ll talk on the way.”

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked once the partition was up and we were moving.

“I’ve been-” he started. Then he frowned, shook his head, and tried again. “You were on my mind a lot while I was away.”

I fought the rising blush I felt. “I-I was?” I hadn’t meant to stammer, but… what kind of a thing is that to say to someone you’re supposed to hate? Although, I guess we were well past the hate stage, then, weren’t we?

“I mean your dysphoria. I’ve been trying to think of ways to help.”

“Oh,” I said, quietly. “That’s really nice of you. Thanks, Kaiba.”

He chewed his lip before saying, “I know this is a very personal thing to ask, so please forgive me. Have you tried packing?”

I lost my battle with the blush then. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “You don’t have to answer.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I- Yes, I’ve tried it, but only with socks. It kinda helps, but…” I picked at the skin around my nails. I was going to regret that later, when I was wringing out rags full of disinfectant.

“But not  _ enough _ ?”

I nodded.

“Do you think it would help more if you had a proper packer?” he asked. 

“It might,” I replied, still picking at my nails. “But please don’t spend any more money on me.”

“Why not?”

I had so many things I wanted to say in answer to that. 

_ Because I don’t want your money, I want your time. Your attention. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. _

_ Because as much as I want your attention, I’m still weirded out by it. _

_ Because you’ve been right all along. I am just a worthless mutt and you shouldn’t waste your money on me… _

“Just don’t,” I said eventually.

He smirked. But it wasn’t the trademark ‘I’m better than you’ smirk this time. There was something softer behind it. And I knew I’d lost that battle too.

It didn’t matter. There wasn’t time to fight about it, anyway. We’d stopped, and I had to get going.

“This doesn't look like a residence,” Kaiba said as the door opened.

I chuckled. “It’s not. This is my other job. I clean offices after hours.”

A frown crossed his lips. “How many jobs do you have, Jounouchi?”

“As many as I can work,” I said simply.

The frown deepened.

“I have to go, or I’m gonna be late.”

“Wait.” He grabbed my wrist before I could leave. “What time do you finish here?” 

“1am,” I said. 

“No wonder you’re always falling asleep in class…” he muttered, letting me go.

I left the limo and hurried to the side door of the building I was supposed to be cleaning. 

“Jounouchi,” Kaiba called through a rolled-down window just as I reached the door. “I’ll send a driver for you at 1.”

“I- wait, what?” 

He just waved, and drove off into the night.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He smirked, one of his trademark smirks that would have buckled my knees if I wasn’t already seated. “Relax. I’m not propositioning you.”

Never let it be said that Kaiba Seto breaks his promises. He said he would send a drive to collect me at 1, and when I left the building at exactly 1:01, the car was waiting.

I hadn’t expected that. I had expected even less for Kaiba to be in the car, waiting for me.

“Will your father miss you if you don’t go home tonight?” he asked before I even had the chance to get my bearings.

“I-uh… what?” I couldn’t believe my ears, and I could feel the blood rushing to them. I was definitely blushing.

He smirked, one of his trademark smirks that would have buckled my knees if I wasn’t already seated. “Relax. I’m not propositioning you.”

“I didn’t think you were,” I quipped. It was late and I was too tired to filter my words, so the things I’d been thinking fell out of my mouth before I could stop them. “I was thinking more along the lines of kidnapping, but it’s good to know where your mind is.”

“Cute,” he said, before falling silent.

It took me a moment to realise that we weren’t moving, and he was waiting for an answer.

I shrugged. “Probably not. I sometimes crash at Yugi’s or Honda’s after work, anyway. Especially if I have an early shift the next morning. Why do you ask?”

“I want you to come home with me.”

My heart stopped in the brief second before he carried on.

“There are some things I’d like to talk to you about,” he said. “It would just be more convenient, more efficient, if you were to breakfast with me.”

I laughed. “I’m pretty sure ‘breakfast’ isn’t a verb.”

“It definitely is.”

“Yeah, okay,” I said, twitching my mouth and nose so I wouldn’t laugh again. “I assume your bed’s more comfortable than mine anyway, so why the hell not. I could use a good night’s sleep.”

“Who said anything about my bed?” It was his turn to blush, the tops of his cheeks flushing, just where his freckles lay.

“I- that’s not-” I stammered. “I mean-”

“Yes?”

“I mean I wouldn’t mind,” I said, so quietly that, for a moment, I wasn’t even sure I had said it out loud.

His eyes darted away from me, the rosy hue of his cheeks deepening. “I think you may have misunderstood my intentions.”

“No, I just wanted to see if I could make you blush,” I said with a laugh.

“Cheeky mutt,” he said, but the tiniest of smiles graced his lips again.

And all I could think about, through the car ride, was how much I wanted to kiss him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You look dead on your feet. You should take a shower and get into bed, we’ll talk in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changed the rating from Teen to Mature because... maybe not in this chapter but there may well be some spicy stuff incoming

I followed him through the house in a daze as I was shown to a guest room. There were pyjamas laid out on the bed for me. A bed big enough to house a family. Maybe even two. 

“There are clean clothes in the dresser,” he said. “For tomorrow.”

“I don’t have my binder,” I said. I didn’t wear it to work, but I was going to need it if I was meant to go to school in the morning.

“It’s taken care of.”

I was too tired to question him.

“You look dead on your feet. You should take a shower and get into bed, we’ll talk in the morning.”

And then he left me, presumably to do the same. That thought made it very difficult for me to concentrate. When I closed my eyes, I could see him-

_ beads of water running over his pale skin, tracing the contours of his body… _

I couldn’t help but think how unfair it was that he was that pretty,  _ so damn pretty _ , but so infuriatingly handsome as well...

_ the tilt of his chin and the stretch of his neck as he wets his hair… _

I shivered at the thought of his collarbones, and that little hollow where they met...

_ hands running soapy suds over his body… _

I knew from Track how surprisingly muscular he was, far more than anyone would think with his lean frame...

_ blue eyes half-closed and unfocused… _

Oh god… what was I thinking?

I left the shower, dried myself off with the fluffiest towel I’ve ever held in my hands, dressed in the softest pyjamas I’d ever seen, and crawled into bed to be engulfed by the cloudlike mattress.

If nothing else, at least I would sleep well tonight.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Good morning, Jounouchi-san,” she said with a fleeting curtsey, keeping her eyes focused on a point just below my chin. “Kaiba-sama would like you to join him on the terrace. Breakfast will be served there in ten minutes.”

I woke to silence. For the first time in my life. No traffic noise, no neighbours yelling, no dad sloshing around the apartment. I wondered if I would ever experience this again. What would I have to do to get here?

There was a knock at the door. “Jounouchi-san?”

I bounced out of bed and opened the door to see a maid standing there patiently. “Yes?”

“Good morning, Jounouchi-san,” she said with a fleeting curtsey, keeping her eyes focused on a point just below my chin. “Kaiba-sama would like you to join him on the terrace. Breakfast will be served there in ten minutes.”

I dressed quickly in the uniform from the dresser Kaiba had pointed out the previous night, surprised to find that it was my size. I knew it couldn’t be a spare. We definitely didn’t take the same size. And, as promised, there was a binder as well. 

I made a mental note to ask him why he had clothes and underwear in my size, and headed downstairs only to realise that I didn’t know where the terrace was. I paced the foyer aimlessly, hoping that someone would find me, because I didn’t know how to find them.

“Jounouchi?” came a voice from behind me.

I turned to look into the steely grey eyes of Kaiba Mokuba who was standing on the stairs looking puzzled at my presence.

“You look lost,” he said with a smirk not unlike his brother’s. 

I laughed. “Just a little. This place is huge.”

“This way,” he said, leading me through the living room and out through a set of French doors onto the terrace which overlooked the expansive garden. “Not that it’s not great to see you and all, but what’re you doing here this early?”

“He stayed over last night,” the older Kaiba said from behind a newspaper. 

I’d been so preoccupied with the view of the grounds that I hadn’t even noticed the table where he was seated. There was a cafetiere in front of him, and a large pitcher of orange juice in the center of the table.

The kid’s brow creased. “Why?”

Kaiba closed and folded the paper, putting it down on the table next to his coffee cup. I had never seen him so relaxed. He was dressed, not in his school uniform, but in a black button-down shirt and black trousers. Relaxed, but as composed as ever, except for his hair which was slightly damp and less perfectly-styled than usual.

I felt my face flush as thoughts of him in the shower invaded my mind once more. I pushed them away and swallowed nervously, hoping that the brothers couldn’t tell what I was thinking.

“Because we have things to discuss this morning,” he said simply.

Mokuba shrugged and took a seat at the table, pouring himself a glass of juice.

“Are you going to join us or continue your impersonation of David?” Kaiba asked, not quite meeting my eye.

I took a seat then and, almost immediately, the maid from earlier brought out our breakfast. 

Although the food was delicious, I noticed that Kaiba ate almost nothing, but drank two more cups of coffee while Mokuba and I ate. The brothers discussed their agenda for the day, and I just focused on the food in front of me. Eventually, our plates were cleared away and Mokuba excused himself to do some reading before school.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” I asked then.

“Everything I’m about to say,” he said, fixing his stormy blue eyes on me, “it stays here. Between us.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You- you are the closest thing I have to a friend,” he said quietly.

I nodded. Of course it would. I’d never told anyone about any of our other conversations, had I? We’d been texting for months, and I’d kept it secret all that time. I wasn’t about to change things up.

“You-  _ you _ are the closest thing I have to a friend,” he said quietly.

I opened my mouth to speak, but found I had no words. Of course,  _ I _ thought of  _ him _ as a friend but Kaiba didn’t have, or want, or need friends. He’d always made that clear. To hear him walk that back now. Something in me sparked and tingled.

“I know I haven’t always been the nicest person to you, and I am sorry for that,” he continued, his eyes still trained on mine. 

“That’s okay,” I said. I wasn’t quite sure where this was going, and I was a little disoriented by the earnest sincerity in his voice.

He repeated his question from the previous night. “How many jobs do you have, Jounouchi?”

“Two,” I said. “Two that I work permanently, for the konibini and the cleaning service. But I take other jobs as they come up.”

“Why so many?”

I broke my gaze away then. Turned to look at the garden instead. I hadn’t shared this with anyone else. Not even Honda, though I think he had pieced it together. He might not be a genius, but he was a lot more observant than people gave him credit for. I weighed everything in my mind. I could trust Kaiba. It wasn’t even a thought. It was a certainty. But this was still embarrassing for me.

“My dad,” I said, in a voice just barely above a whisper. Quiet enough that a breeze could have blown it away. “He’s a drunk and a gambler. Sometimes he works on construction sites, but never for very long.”

I heard the intake of breath as he did the math.

“So you work to pay the bills. Keep a roof over your head, put food in your stomach.”

I nodded. “And pay off his debts.”

“How much does he owe?” he asked.

I told him. I felt my face heat up at the mention of the astronomical figure. It probably wasn’t much to him, but-

“I can only guess at what you earn, but… it’ll take you years to pay that off. And I bet he keeps adding to it when you’re off working, too.”

I tried to laugh, but it came out more like a mangled sob. It was true. Just when I thought I was making progress on it, there would be more added to it because the old man had no impulse control. I knew I didn’t have to actually say it for Kaiba to know he was right.

“Jounouchi…” 

I felt his hand on mine and turned, shocked, to look at him. He wasn’t crying, but there was a sheen to his eyes that suggested a level of emotion I’d never seen in him before. 

I don’t think he was even aware that he’d touched me.

“I  _ see _ you. You’re so much smarter than people think, you have so much potential, but you’re running yourself ragged just to survive. You’re not being given the chance to thrive.”

“I- Kaiba, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I want better for you,” he said. “I want to offer you a job. One with regular hours and decent pay, so you can get more than 2 hours sleep a night and stop falling asleep in class.”

“No,” I replied, short and clipped. 

I knew it was stupid. That was a good offer. One that would solve  _ almost _ all my problems. But I couldn’t accept it. Not  _ just _ because it was charity and wounded my pride, although that was definitely a factor. No. I couldn’t do it.

“No?” 

I pulled my hand away. “Please understand. I appreciate that you care enough to make that offer but I can’t-”

“Why not?” he asked, his deep, calm voice tinged with just a hint of shock.

The words spilled out of my mouth in a tumbling whisper almost before I’d thought them. “Because I’m in love with you.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Really?” he asked. The tone of his voice was curious, amused, and something else I couldn’t quite pinpoint. “Jounouchi, look at me.”

I smacked my hands over my face, feeling the heat in my cheeks. I couldn’t believe that I’d just said that. Just blurted it right out like that. Without any thought. No preface. No warning. “I’m sorry, I-”

“Really?” he asked. The tone of his voice was curious, amused, and something else I couldn’t quite pinpoint. “Jounouchi, look at me.”

I looked at him through my fingers, seeing the easy, comfortable smile on his face. It was a smile that said ‘of course you’re in love with me, why wouldn’t you be?’. Why did he have to be so confident? Why did he have to be so damned cool? 

He reached out, taking my hands in his and pulling them away from my face. “Look at me,” he repeated gently. “Do you really mean what you said just now?”

I met his gaze, feeling like I’d be washed away, swept out to sea by the intensity of those blue oceans, and lost forever. “Yes,” I said. “But I shouldn’t have said it.”

“Of course you should have.” 

That’s when I realised that he hadn’t let go of my hands. Instead, he’d threaded his fingers through mine. We were holding hands, and I hadn’t even noticed. I felt my face growing even hotter than it already was.

“Wh-what are you saying?”

His smile broadened. “I’m saying that I like you, Jounouchi. I don’t know if love is a word that I’m ready to use with anyone but Mokuba, but you’ve become a very important part of my life, and I  _ like _ you.”

“But…”

“Yes?”

“But I’m- I’m  _ you know _ …” I whispered.

“Trans?” he asked.

I turned my head away and nodded.

He laughed, a deep, clear laugh that rang like a bell in my soul, and whispered back. “I know.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba released my hands then. I felt a sudden, overwhelming sense of loss, and the urge to grab him before he retreated. But he didn’t retreat. He lifted one hand to touch my chin and gently turn my head to face him again. 

My heartbeat could have filled in for the drum on a heavy metal track. My thoughts crowded in my mind. Trembling and dry-mouthed, I muttered, “don’t tease me.”

Kaiba released my hands then. I felt a sudden, overwhelming sense of loss, and the urge to grab him before he retreated. But he didn’t retreat. He lifted one hand to touch my chin and gently turn my head to face him again. 

He had the most incredible eyes. I’d always thought that. But the way they shone now, so vibrant, such a deep blue that it tugged at my soul… His gaze was too intense. I should have expected that. He was intensity personified.

“I don’t care that you’re trans, Jounouchi,” he said. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re a man. And a very attractive one.”

My brow furrowed, even as the heat in my cheeks increased. 

“Do you remember our first conversation behind the gym?” he asked. “When you asked how I knew and I told you I’d seen the bandages in your kit bag?”

I nodded. Of course I remembered. That was one of the scariest, most stressful situations I’d ever been in. I wasn’t likely to forget it. I was willing to bet that, if I lived that long, I’d still remember that conversation when I turned 100.

“Well, I may not have been entirely honest on  _ why _ I noticed.”

“You lied to me?” I asked. My voice cracked and I was glad that we were alone.

“No, I just left out some of the details,” he said with a chuckle.

I stared at him, silently demanding that he explain.

“The reason I saw what I did is because I was hanging around specifically to see you.” He ran a hand through his hair and, if I didn’t know better, I’d have said he was nervous. “You don’t seem to be aware of it, but you’re gorgeous. I enjoy looking at you. I always have.”

I felt like my brain was short-circuiting. 

“Kaiba-sama?” came a deep voice from the doorway. 

He pulled away, looking at his watch. “Ah. I have a call to make, and you should be getting to school. Text me later?”

I nodded, my mind still crowded by a multitude of thoughts going faster than Kaiba’s ridiculous, kinda a little bit cool, but mostly just ridiculous jet.

And then he was gone, and I was being herded into a car and driven away.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I expected that to be the end of it until much later in the day, but I was barely at school before my phone was buzzing again.

The car hadn’t even left the grounds before I sent him the first text of the day. 

He said to text ‘later’ but he didn’t specify a time, and  _ technically _ it was already later. We’d been apart less than ten minutes and all I wanted was to be back there, spending more time with him. All I could think about was seeing him again. And I knew telling him that was  _ not _ a good idea. 

Instead, I just wished him good luck with his call.

Within seconds, he’d responded wishing me a good day at school. I couldn’t help but smile, thinking how sweet the moment was. How sweet this morning had been. I’d accidentally confessed to him and it hadn’t completely blown up in my face.

I expected that to be the end of it until much later in the day, but I was barely at school before my phone was buzzing again.

_ \- Will I see you later? _

_ \- Do you want to? _

_ \- Always _

_ \- So… will I? _

_ \- Probably not. I’m working again. _

_ \- Aren’t you supposed to be working right now, anyway? _

_ \- :( _

_ \- I’m multi-tasking _

I didn’t know how to respond to that. 

Part of me wanted to tell him that multi-tasking isn’t real. You can’t give your full attention to more than one thing at a time, and if you think you can, you’re really just half-assing both (or all) the things. Part of me wanted to try to make a cute joke. But really, all of me was just surprised that we’d exchanged more than 2 messages at one time.

My potential response didn’t matter though, because he messaged again while I was still thinking.

_ \- Will you really not consider my offer? _

_ \- … _

_ \- We’d be able to spend more time together if you did _

_ \- But you’d be my boss _

_ \- I don’t want my boyfriend to be my boss _

_ \- Boyfriend? _

Shit. That had slipped through my fingers without making a stop in my brain. 

I’d gotten ahead of myself, hadn’t I? Yes, I’d told him I loved him, and yes, he’d told me he liked me too, but… there hadn’t been any discussion of dating, relationships, any of that. I felt my chest tighten, a wave of light-headedness washing over me. This was a mistake.

__ **_Incoming call_ **

I stared at the phone in horror until that message went away, and then sent a text.

_ \- Can’t talk. Class is starting. _

It wasn’t. If he had looked at the time, he’d have known I was lying. That I was a coward. If he did, he didn’t let on.

_ \- Okay. We’ll talk later, then. _

_ \- Have a good class. _

I didn’t. All through class, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. About being with him. Remembering the feeling of his hand on mine, the shimmer in his eyes, and the way he smiled at me when he knew no one else was looking. And I couldn’t stop thinking about how my dumbass brain and my dumbass fingers might have just screwed the whole thing up before there even  _ was _ a thing.

The radio silence through the rest of the morning did nothing to put me at ease. Kaiba wasn’t one to back down. He didn’t retreat. He was tenacious. And the fact that he just left it at that nagged me and gnawed at the edges of my already fragile emotional state. By lunch, I was a wreck. 

I hadn’t brought lunch with me, but even if I had, I wouldn’t have been able to eat it.

“You don’t look so hot, Jou,” Honda said with a mouthful of fried chicken.

“Thanks, bud,” I replied with an eye-roll. “I don’t feel so hot watching you talk with your mouth full.”

He stuck his tongue out at me.

But then Yugi spoke. “Actually, I think Honda-kun is right. Are you okay?”

“I feel fine,” I lied.

“It would make me feel better if you would go see the nurse, at least,” said Anzu, who had been suspiciously quiet through it all. “Come on, I’ll walk with you.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How did yo-” I clamped a hand over my mouth just too late. If she didn’t know before, I’d just confirmed it for her. Stupid.

“Okay, Jou,” Anzu said once we were in the empty hallway, well away from everyone else. “What’s going on? Is it Kaiba?”

“How did yo-” I clamped a hand over my mouth just too late. If she didn’t know before, I’d just confirmed it for her. Stupid.

She smiled gently. “I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

I groaned.

“Hey,” she said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay.”

“But the guys…”

“Haven’t noticed a thing. You know how oblivious they are.”

I couldn’t help but nod at that. Yugi still hadn’t figured out that Anzu was mad about him, and she’d done everything short of throwing her panties at him. Which was doubly ridiculous because he was head over heels in love with her. 

I resolved to get the two of them together myself. If I ever got my love life under control, that is. Gotta put your own mask on before helping others, right?

“So, is it?” she asked again.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice trembling a little. “I confessed to him.”

Her eyes grew wide. “You did? Jou, that’s-”

“Really fucking stupid? Trust me, I know.”

“I wasn’t going to say that at all.”

I snorted. “Sure you weren’t.”

“I wasn’t,” she protested. “I think it’s really brave of you. But I’m guessing from your tone that it didn’t go well?” 

“Oh, no. It went great, actually. Turns out he likes me too.”

“That’s good though, right?” Her brows creased. “What am I missing? Why do I feel like there’s a but coming?”

“Well, he had to leave to make a call, and we didn’t really get to talk about what it means.” I sighed.

“So, I assume you’ll see each other again at some point, and you’ll figure it out then.”

I shook my head. “No, I messed it up. We were texting this morning about-” I stopped myself. Anzu didn’t know about the employment offer thing, and she didn’t need to know. I wasn’t gonna open myself up to that whole argument. “-it’s not important. We were texting and I called him my boyfriend.”

“And he didn’t like that?”

“I don’t know. He just responded ‘boyfriend?’ and then tried to call me, but I ignored it and told him I couldn’t talk because school.”

“Jou, I love you. You are one of my best friends in the whole world. But you are being incredibly stupid right now.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but she cut me off, one finger held up to stop me speaking. 

“No. Here’s what you’re going to do. You're going to tell the nurse you’re not feeling well and get sent home. And then you’re going to clean yourself up nicely, and talk this out with Kaiba.”

I was gobsmacked. Anzu was always going off on us about how we all needed to take school more seriously. Well, all except Bakura, but he’s a special case. And now- “I can’t believe it. Are you actually telling me to play hooky?  _ You _ ?” 

She just smiled and steered me towards the nurse’s office.

“Why?” I asked as we got to the door.

“Because I’ve seen the way he looks at you, too,” she said with a gentle laugh. Then she guided me into the office and started telling the nurse that I wasn’t well.

  
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I merely nodded. My stomach was a mass of writhing, crawling things and I didn’t know how I was going to sort it out, only that Anzu was right. I took the bus home, praying that he wasn’t there. As luck would have it, he was out. Whether that meant he was working or out pissing away what little money we had, I didn’t care to think about.

Surprisingly, the nurse bought my act - hook, line, and sinker. Fifteen minutes later, I was leaving the school grounds and on my way home. 

“Sort it out, Jou,” Anzu had said as she left me at the gate.

I merely nodded. My stomach was a mass of writhing, crawling things and I didn’t know _how_ I was going to sort it out, only that Anzu was right. I took the bus home, praying that he wasn’t there. As luck would have it, he was out. Whether that meant he was working or out pissing away what little money we had, I didn’t care to think about.

_\- Can I see you? I think we need to talk…_

I sent the text, then threw the phone on my bed before I could second-guess myself. Third. Fourth. Fifth guess myself… I ducked into the shower. It wasn’t much in the way of armour, but at least I could be clean when I rode into battle.

I probably should have waited for his answer before I went to shower though. When I got out, my phone was full of notifications.

_\- That doesn't sound good._

_\- But yes, of course you can see me._

_\- I’m working from home today, so just come to the manor when you’re ready._

_\- Jounouchi?_

**_Missed call_ **

**_Missed call_ **

**_Missed call_ **

Great. Now he was even more freaked. Nice going, me.

_\- Sorry, I was in the shower. I’ll be there soon._

_\- You’re at home?_

_\- Yes_

_\- That’s too far for you to get here by yourself. Give me your address, I’ll send the driver._

I sighed. Did it even matter anymore if he knew where I lived? He already knew my circumstances and he didn’t seem to care. And we were going to sort this out one way or the other. We’d be a couple, and then he’d learn my address soon enough anyway. Or we’d dissolve whatever this thing was between us and he’d have no use for my address. 

I sent him the details and got on with getting dressed.

When I got downstairs, it wasn’t the driver waiting for me, but Seto himself. Leaning against a ridiculously shiny vehicle which, on closer inspection, I determined was a Maserati. 

“Are you crazy?” I asked, unable to stop myself.

“Only about you,” he said. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

I couldn’t argue with that. Already, I could see the curtains twitching on every apartment in the street, and I knew it was only a matter of time before trouble found us in the form of Hirutani or someone like him.

“Where are we going?” I asked, when he appeared to miss the turnoff that would’ve taken us to the manor.

“It seemed like whatever you wanted to talk about was serious,” he replied. “The sort of serious that might not have a good result. I don’t want whatever happens to mar my home, so I’m taking you somewhere where we can talk privately and neither of us ever have to visit it again if-”

“-if we don’t work out,” I finished the sentence for him.

He nodded, not taking his eyes off the road. “We’ll be there soon.”

“Okay,” I said. I didn’t know what to talk about, how to break the uneasy silence between us. I hadn’t prepared myself for this. 

I watched him as he drove. Watched the almost zen-like concentration on his face. Watched the way his muscles moved as he shifted gears and worked the pedals. He was so beautiful. So powerful. And I felt so incredibly small in his presence.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I weren’t so nervous, it would have been easy for the romance of it all to sweep me off my feet. For a moment, we just stood there at the railing, taking it all in.

He was right. It wasn’t long before we reached a park that overlooked the city. The view was unlike anything I had ever seen before. The patchwork of buildings interspersed with roads and footpaths. The whole thing overlaid with blossoming trees. Like something out of a shoujo manga.

I imagined it would look just as spectacular at night, with all the city’s lights glinting away in the darkness.

If I weren’t so nervous, it would have been easy for the romance of it all to sweep me off my feet. For a moment, we just stood there at the railing, taking it all in.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked, turning to focus those electrifying blue eyes on me.

Too intense.

I looked down, away from his gaze, my hands restlessly playing with the hem of my shirt. “I wanted to apologise.”

“Did you do something that warrants an apology?”

“I think so,” I replied. Still not looking at him. Still picking at my clothing. “I- This morning, we didn’t really get a chance to talk about ‘us’. If there even  _ is _ such a thing. And then I just went and called you my boyfriend, without even thinking. I’m sorry. That was wrong.”

“Was it?” He reached with slender fingers to touch my cheek and brush my hair out of my face. So gentle. So tender. So unlike the Kaiba that everyone knew.

I wanted to lean into that touch. To have that contact burned into me so it would be there always, even when this was all over and he was gone. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks at how needy I was. How needy he made me. I didn’t lean into it. But I didn’t pull away either.

“Kaiba, please. I’m being serious,” I mumbled.

“So am I. I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than being your boyfriend.” He whispered those words, like they were a prayer.

“Really?”

“Really.” He leaned in close to me, tilting my chin so I was forced to look at him.

Once again, I saw the dusting of freckles on his nose and cheeks. Like constellations. I was struck by the feeling that he was the whole universe. 

Once again, I breathed in the deeply attractive scents of coffee and the ocean. He was the sea. His eyes. His name. I wondered how long it would be before those waters washed me away. 

Once again, my eyes fell on his lips as his tongue darted over them. Was that a nervous habit of his? Did he _get_ nervous?

“Kaiba…” I breathed. I didn’t know what else  _ to _ do. My heart beat so fast I thought it might explode and take us both out.

He smirked, that self-assured smirk of his that always took the air out of my lungs. He was so close now that I could feel his breath on my lips. The sensation, the whole situation, was hypnotic. Narcotic. Mind-altering. 

“If we’re going to be boyfriends, you should probably call me by my given name.”

I felt the flush deepening on my skin. “Seto-”

And then his lips were on mine and it was as if he’d closed some invisible circuit, the current flowing through us. Every part of me was electrified, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. Every cell and hair and fibre. Alive.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I understand why you do it. I understand that you need to take care of your family. Believe me, I probably understand that better than anyone else our age. But, Katsuya… while you’re taking care of them, who’s taking care of you?”

My heart ached when he broke the kiss and pulled away. Everything was still electric, and I was scared to move. Scared that I’d lose the delicious tingling that had taken over everything. 

“While I  _ really _ don’t want to stop doing that,” he said, looking slightly dazed, “we still have things to talk about, Katsuya.”

“Oh?” I asked, too breathless to think of anything more to say.

He chuckled. “Was the kiss so good that you’ve already forgotten?”

I didn’t think I could blush any more than I already was, but I was wrong.

“I understand why you do it. I understand that you need to take care of your family. Believe me, I probably understand that better than anyone else our age. But, Katsuya… while you’re taking care of them, who’s taking care of you?”

“ _ I _ am.” 

“Are you, though?” he asked. “Because from where I’m standing, it doesn't look like you are.”

Okay, the happy feelings were fading. Fast. “Seto-”

“No, I mean it. You barely have time to sleep and no time at all to study. You can’t concentrate during class. And don’t think I haven’t noticed how little you’re eating these days.”

“What am I supposed to do?” I asked, struggling to keep my emotions out of my voice. 

I hated the way my voice went up in pitch when I was upset. It made me sound like a girl instead of like me. And it didn’t matter that he already knew - this was about how  _ I _ felt.

“Should I leave my dad to the gangs and the loan sharks? Even if I did, we’d still need somewhere to live. I  _ have _ to work.”

He put his arms around me then, pulling me into his chest. “I know you do. I know. But you don’t have to work yourself to death.”

“I won’t take charity,” I grumbled into the soft cotton of his shirt. “Let me have my pride.”

“It’s not charity. It’s a job, Katsuya. I don’t want to see you suffer later because you can’t take care of yourself now. Please just consider it. Please?” 

I pulled away to see the moisture pooling at the edges of his eyes, his face a picture of sadness and concern. This was really upsetting him. That broke my heart.

“What happens if we break up?” I asked quietly.

“I don’t understand.”

I sighed, a deep, heavy sigh. “If I take this job and we break up, what happens to me?”

“We’ve only just gotten together. We haven’t even had our first date yet, and you’re already talking about breaking up?” It was his turn to fight an unsteady voice, his usually smooth tone threatening to break. “Do you have so little faith in me? In us?”

“What? No! No, Seto, it’s not that at all. I just… I’m scared.”

“Of me?”

“Of  _ life _ ,” I said. I was suddenly cold. The wind had picked up while we were talking, the trees around us shedding leaves and blossoms. “Things happen. For some people, even love isn’t enough.”

“You’re talking about your parents.” Not a question. A statement.

I knew I didn’t have to tell him he was right. He already knew he was. But I nodded anyway.

“We aren’t them,” he said. 

“I know but-”

“Katsuya, even if we were to break up, you would still have a job. It would be unethical for me to fire you over our relationship status. I’d have to consult Omori-san, but I’m pretty sure it would be illegal as well.”

I opened my mouth to reply, although truthfully I didn’t know what I was going to say. It didn’t matter, because he cut me off again.

“You don’t have to answer right now. Take your time and  _ really _ think about it. Please.” 

“Okay,” I said. I would think about it.

He smiled then, and everything else disappeared. “Good. Now I don’t know about you, but I’m getting cold and quite hungry. How about that first date?”

“Sure,” I said, and then leaned up to kiss him.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I let my eyes wander over his features as I tried to catch my breath. I’d never seen him so disheveled. His eyes were half-closed, unfocused, his lips deep pink and swollen from our kisses, and a beguiling blush highlighted his freckles. It was a sight I was wholly unprepared for and already completely addicted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since the last update. There's a lot going on that's made working on this story really difficult for me, not least of all some pretty harsh depressive and dysphoric episodes. 
> 
> I'll be honest, I don't know if I'm going to keep going on Metamorphosis or if I'm going to move it into The Graveyard.
> 
> When I first started writing this fic, it was just something fun and self-indulgent. Wish fulfilment, with Jou standing in for me, not just knowing but actually accepting himself for who he was at such a young age. It was therapeutic and cathartic then. But it doesn't feel that way for me anymore. Now it kinda hurts to write this story.
> 
> But who knows? That may all change again tomorrow. Stranger things have happened...

With one kiss, I felt the world fall away from me. Nothing mattered but the feeling of Seto’s soft lips on mine, the taste of his tongue, the warmth of his mouth. Every fear, every worry, every anxious thought was drowned out by pure ecstasy.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that,” he said when we came up for air. 

“Me either,” I replied.

I let my eyes wander over his features as I tried to catch my breath. I’d never seen him so disheveled. His eyes were half-closed, unfocused, his lips deep pink and swollen from our kisses, and a beguiling blush highlighted his freckles. It was a sight I was wholly unprepared for and already completely addicted to.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” I whispered, the words tripping off my tongue before I could think to stop them.

The blush that already graced his cheeks deepened further and my soul somersaulted.

_ I did that _ , I thought.  _ I’m the one who put that look on his face. _

“And you’re incredible,” he said, leaning down to capture my lips again.

I thought I could happily have stayed there, living on his kisses for all eternity. Unfortunately, my stomach disagreed, letting out a loud rumble that ruined the mood entirely. I felt a burning sensation flood my face and knew I was flushing in embarrassment.

Seto chuckled. “Delicious though you are, we probably should eat some actual food. Where would you like to go for our first date?”

“I don’t know,” I said with a half-hearted shrug. “I’ll eat pretty much anything, but I know you have a more refined palate than I do…”

“Just because I’ve grown accustomed to things like foie gras and filet mignon doesn't mean I can’t enjoy other foods. Except oden because oden is absolutely vile.”

It was my turn to laugh. “Well lucky for you, it’s the wrong time of year for oden. Do you think we could have curry rice?”

“Of course,” he said, the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen gracing his lips. “I know just the place.”

He took me to a small restaurant near his office. Apparently he ate there a few times a month, when schedules were tight and he couldn’t get home for whatever reason. The food was delicious but, if I’m being honest, I was more focused on how surreal this all felt. 

I still couldn’t quite believe that I’d actually confessed to him, nevermind accept that he felt the same way. I couldn’t believe that he knew I was trans and didn’t care, that that wasn’t a dealbreaker for him. That he found me attractive, regardless of my gender identity. That he found me attractive at all...

I’d gotten to know Seto reasonably well in the last few months. I knew now that the cold, standoffish, aloof persona he’d built for himself was just that - a persona. I knew that his sarcasm and biting wit were just weapons for self-defence. That he lashed out because sometimes the best defense is a good offense. 

I knew that he trusted very few people, because too much of his trust had been abused before. That he would do anything to give his brother an easy life. I knew that he was sweet, and smart, and kind. I knew that he cared, a lot more than he would ever want anyone to know. 

And I wanted to believe that I knew the  _ real _ Kaiba Seto, but I couldn’t help worrying that I didn’t. That somehow he was playing the long con. I half-expected that he would start laughing and tell me this had all been a prank. Just another way to get one over on the dumb mutt. 

Or that, at some random moment, I’d wake up on the crappy futon in my crappy bedroom having dreamt all of it. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I couldn’t really relax.

Still, we spent the afternoon together, just enjoying each other’s company, until I had to go to work. 

“Just think about it, okay?” he said as he dropped me off at the konbini for my shift.

I nodded, kissed him gently, and went to work. It was all I  _ could _ think about, but my thoughts kept going in circles. Every time I thought I was coming up on a decision, it looped back around and I was right back where I started.

On my break, I messaged Yugi and told him I needed advice, that it was a delicate matter, and that it wasn’t something that could be discussed over the phone. By the time I finished my shift, he’d messaged back telling me to come over to his place after work. So that’s what I did.


End file.
